You got the promotion. So why does it feel like everyone is waiting for you to fail?

You're chuffed. Proud as punch, actually.

You've worked hard, you've earned the recognition and you've been given the opportunity you've wanted for some time. Of course you're nervous. It's a bigger role, with greater responsibility, and you know there will be plenty to learn.

But other thoughts are lurking somewhere amongst all that excitement. Have they made a mistake? Was I the last option?

You try to wave them away. After all, someone clearly believes you're capable of doing the job. They wouldn't have promoted you otherwise. Except things are starting to feel a little different, and you're not entirely sure what to make of it.

Something's changed, and you're not quite sure what

Remember when you could walk into the office, have a laugh with your colleagues and feel completely comfortable being yourself?

Now there's a change in how people are treating you, although you're struggling to put your finger on exactly what it is. Or could it be that you're behaving a little differently yourself, and others are picking up on your uncertainty?

Perhaps someone else went for the promotion and is disappointed they didn't get it. Perhaps you're now responsible for managing people who, until recently, were your peers. The conversations that used to happen quite naturally seem a little more guarded, and someone who was always supportive is noticeably less forthcoming.

You start wondering whether people are questioning your decisions or, worse, deliberately making things difficult for you or challenging you as a way of asserting themselves.

And perhaps they are. Not everyone will be delighted about your promotion, particularly if they wanted the role themselves. Some people might need time to adjust, while others may genuinely resent the decision.

The difficulty comes when you start interpreting everything through that uncertainty.

A colleague challenges something you've said in a meeting and you wonder whether they're deliberately trying to catch you out. You discover a conversation has taken place without you and immediately question why you weren't included. Before long, you're wondering what people are saying when you're not there and whether they think someone else should have got the job.

What started as uncertainty about how others see you has gradually become uncertainty about how you see yourself. Do I actually belong here?

And who exactly are you supposed to talk to?

One of the things that can make stepping into a more senior role particularly difficult is suddenly feeling as though you've got nowhere to turn.

The colleagues you would previously have talked things through with might now report to you, and you're conscious that sharing every worry or frustration with them isn't quite right.

You might have peers at your new level, but you're still finding your feet amongst them. You're not sure how much you can say or whether admitting you're flying by the seat of your pants will change how they see you.

Then there's your own manager, the person who supported your promotion. You want them to know they've made the right decision, so the thought of admitting you're finding things difficult feels rather risky.

Even your 1:1s can become something you dread. Instead of using that time to discuss what's going well, what isn't and where you might need support, you're worrying about being asked something you can't answer. So you overprepare, overwork and try to know everything you possibly can rather than admit you don't know or ask the questions that might actually help.

You might find yourself double-checking decisions you would previously have made without hesitation, explaining things in far more detail than necessary or avoiding conversations you're uncomfortable having. Perhaps you become defensive when someone challenges your thinking, or start involving yourself in things you would ordinarily have trusted others to handle.

None of this necessarily reflects how you want to lead, but when you're worried about proving yourself, it's surprisingly easy to slip into behaviours that are more about protecting your credibility than doing what's needed.

And here's something else worth considering. If you're feeling guarded, suspicious or defensive, how might that be coming across to the people around you? Could they be responding to a change in your behaviour, just as you're responding to what you perceive as a change in theirs?

Sometimes the very things we do to protect ourselves can contribute to the difficulties we're experiencing.

So what can you actually do about it?

I'm not going to suggest you simply believe in yourself or stop worrying. If it were that easy, you'd have done it already. There are, however, a couple of things worth making some time to think about.

1. Separate what you know from what you're assuming.

Think about something that's happened recently that's left you questioning yourself or someone else's intentions.

Perhaps a colleague challenged a decision you made in a meeting, and you've been turning it over in your head ever since. You're convinced they were trying to undermine you, particularly because they've seemed less supportive since your promotion.

But what do you actually know?

You know they challenged your decision. You might also know they've been behaving differently towards you. What you don't necessarily know is why.

They might disagree with your decision for perfectly valid reasons. They might be disappointed about the promotion, or they might genuinely be trying to make things difficult.

Rather than immediately reacting, give yourself a little time to think about what's happened. What did the person actually say or do, and what have you decided it means?

Try looking at the situation from a few different perspectives, including theirs. What else might explain their behaviour? Is there something about how you're showing up that's contributing to the situation? Could your own uncertainty be influencing how you're interpreting their actions?

You might still conclude that someone is deliberately making things difficult, but at least you'll have considered the alternatives rather than allowing your first assumption to become your reality.

And once you've done that, think about what would actually help. Do you need to have a conversation, ask a question, address a particular behaviour or simply stop giving something quite so much headspace?

The aim isn't to convince yourself that everything is fine. It's to make a more considered decision about what, if anything, needs your attention.

2. Check whose expectations you're trying to meet.

You've stepped into a new role, so naturally there will be things you haven't encountered before. But have you quietly decided that being promoted means you should already know how to handle everything?

Perhaps you've convinced yourself that asking for help will make you look incapable, or that admitting something is difficult will give your manager reason to question their decision.

Give yourself some time to think about what you're expecting of yourself in this role. Write down the things you believe you should already know, be capable of or have achieved.

Now look at them properly. Which of those expectations have actually been communicated to you, and which have you imposed on yourself?

Are they realistic for someone who's still learning the role? Would you expect another person in your position to know everything at this stage, or are you holding yourself to a rather different standard?

It might also be worth having a conversation with your manager about what success looks like over the coming months. Not to seek reassurance that you're doing a good job, but to understand where your attention needs to be, what you're expected to develop and where you can draw on support.

You might discover that the things you're putting yourself under enormous pressure to demonstrate aren't necessarily the things your manager is looking for.

You don't need to have all the answers, but you do need to recognise when your determination to appear capable is getting in the way of asking the questions that would actually help you.

You don't have to become someone else

The qualities that helped you get here haven't suddenly disappeared, and you don't need to develop an entirely different personality because you've been promoted.

But the role is different. What people need from you has changed, and some of the ways you've previously approached your work might not serve you quite so well now.

That doesn't mean you've been doing anything wrong. It means there's some learning and adjusting to do, which is rather the point of stepping into something new.

You can be proud of what you've achieved and still feel completely out of your depth on a Tuesday afternoon. You can be capable, experienced and respected, yet find yourself wondering whether you're up to the challenge.

None of that automatically means someone made a mistake.

Perhaps instead of asking whether you're good enough to be in the role, a more useful question is:

What do I need to learn, adjust or do differently to become the leader this role needs me to be?

And you don't have to work all of that out on your own.

Stepping into a more senior role?

At Storm McQueen, I work with leaders who are finding their feet in roles with greater responsibility. Having somewhere confidential to talk openly, question your assumptions and work through the situations you're facing can make a real difference to how you experience and approach your new role.

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